Funniest Memories
I think my funniest memories have involved birds. It all began when I was in Ireland on an island next to castle ruins. I suddenly had the urge and asked if there was a place to go to the restroom. Someone told me there was one near the edge of the cliff. I followed the path down to a small building made with stones. At the top of the entrance was a nesting sea gull. As I tried to enter the restroom, it kept swooping down on me. It finally dropped a load of bird poop on me with amazing accuracy. I felt like I was in an Alfred Hitchcock film.
Several years later I was attending school in Pittsburgh. I frequently went to the park to eat lunch. As in most city parks, there were pigeons. I observed a lady covered with pigeons on her head, shoulders, and arms. She was feeding them. I decided to feed a pigeon myself with what was left of my McDonald's hamburger bun. I placed the piece of bun on my shoulder and the pigeon jumped up on my shoulder. As with the sea gull, the pigeon dropped a load on my shoulder. I didn't realize it until I returned to school and fellow students were grossed out.
Several years still I was sitting on the sun deck of our summer cottage on Koontz Lake. I was telling my best friend at the time about my experiences with birds and how they loved to relieve themselves on me. As I was telling him this, a big glob of bird poop dropped on my lap. A bird in the tree above me let loose. My friend practically fell on the floor with laughter.
My last bird story was when I was helping a college classmate move into an apartment in Indianapolis. There was a pond with swans in the back. She told me that the swans served as guard dogs (I thought she was joking). I went in the back to admire the graceful swans. One of them came up on the shore and walked toward me. I thought, "Isn't that nice, a graceful swan is coming up to me." Suddenly the swan spread its wings, opened its mouth wide and let out a hiss and jumped into a gallop. I was surprised and began to jog away. After jogging around to the front of the apartment building, I thought I was in the clear. I glanced back and the swan was ready to chomp on my backside. I took off in a run toward our car. My friends, who had observed the whole thing, locked the doors to the car and laughed as I ran around the car to escape the swan.
In Forrest Gump, he says, "Stupid is as stupid does." One thing for sure, with swans, it is NOT "graceful is as graceful does."
Several years later I was attending school in Pittsburgh. I frequently went to the park to eat lunch. As in most city parks, there were pigeons. I observed a lady covered with pigeons on her head, shoulders, and arms. She was feeding them. I decided to feed a pigeon myself with what was left of my McDonald's hamburger bun. I placed the piece of bun on my shoulder and the pigeon jumped up on my shoulder. As with the sea gull, the pigeon dropped a load on my shoulder. I didn't realize it until I returned to school and fellow students were grossed out.
Several years still I was sitting on the sun deck of our summer cottage on Koontz Lake. I was telling my best friend at the time about my experiences with birds and how they loved to relieve themselves on me. As I was telling him this, a big glob of bird poop dropped on my lap. A bird in the tree above me let loose. My friend practically fell on the floor with laughter.
My last bird story was when I was helping a college classmate move into an apartment in Indianapolis. There was a pond with swans in the back. She told me that the swans served as guard dogs (I thought she was joking). I went in the back to admire the graceful swans. One of them came up on the shore and walked toward me. I thought, "Isn't that nice, a graceful swan is coming up to me." Suddenly the swan spread its wings, opened its mouth wide and let out a hiss and jumped into a gallop. I was surprised and began to jog away. After jogging around to the front of the apartment building, I thought I was in the clear. I glanced back and the swan was ready to chomp on my backside. I took off in a run toward our car. My friends, who had observed the whole thing, locked the doors to the car and laughed as I ran around the car to escape the swan.
In Forrest Gump, he says, "Stupid is as stupid does." One thing for sure, with swans, it is NOT "graceful is as graceful does."
posted by Incredible Art Department | 3:26 PM
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